Book Review: Can Everyone Please Calm Down?

A Guide to 21st Century Sexuality

I’ve strayed into the realm of non-fiction for this week’s book review, and I’m glad I did. I needed a break and a jump back into the real world for a moment. If you’re new here, hi. Welcome. If not then, yes, this is another Mae Martin post. I know I need to finish off season 2 of ‘Feel Good’ but things got in the way. Like assignments. But television shows aside we’re here to venture into the world of confusing, and very fluid terminology. Yup I’m talking about that Proustian poem that is ‘sexuality in the 21st century’ and what on earth we mean by that. 

Truth is, I still have no idea. Sexuality is a complicated web of truth, misunderstandings and throw away labels. And I read this book from front to cover. (Mae if you’re reading this, that is not a criticism, I genuinely like your book!) The thing about labels is that, I personally, consider them to be ‘cookie cutter’ terminology. Gay, straight, lesbian are all terms that we’re familiar with. But they’re too broad, kind of like how there is no such thing as a cookie cutter man or woman, we all come in different shapes and sizes. In the end everyone is confused. So, Mae decides to put is personally, that sexuality is more about what sexually attracts you than confining yourself to a damn label.

This meandering ode to sexuality comes from a very experiential place. Unfortunately, I was not raised by Wendy and James so I couldn’t say the same thing. Because as we delve into the Proustian poem of sexuality, we also learn a lot about Mae’s upbringing. Now, I don’t remember my parents sitting me down to talk about anal sex when I was five or telling me to expect ‘an explosion of rainbows’. (Most disappointing, imagine what the weather would be like around the world).

You also learn a thing or two, for example I had no idea just how many people in history had had same sex relationships. Much to our collective annoyance 20th century history would’ve hushed it up. I did know about Tchaikovsky, no matter how hard the Russians tried, that one little tit-bit didn’t escape anyone’s notice. However, I was not surprised about Lord Byron. That man was such a famed seducer and rake that he would’ve slept with anything if it stood still long enough. But I digress, despite western culture trying to cover up our sexual history, the truth has a way of coming out eventually. I mean Alexander the Great was great for a reason, right? 

Now I wouldn’t say, this is the be all and end of book of sexuality, and I don’t think Mae would say the same. But Mae’s book to sexuality is kind of what Mary Shelley’s novel ‘Frankenstein’ is to science fiction. Mary Shelly was by no means an expert in science, but she did her damn research (and was a friend of Byron’s) but it did kick start the science fiction trend. And by a woman no less. But it would be crude of me to say that this book starts the conversation into what we mean by sexuality, that’s been going on for a while now, but it does break it down and make it easier for anyone and everyone who, like myself, isn’t as involved in the LGBTQ+ community, but would like to be a better ally.