Little Red Riding Hood and the Wolf
“One eyelid flickers.
She whips a pistol from her knickers.
She aims it at the creature’s head
And bang bang bang, she shoots him dead”
Do excuse this odd interlude of book reviews that aren’t book reviews… Anna Karenina hasn’t quite got her shit together and I’m starting to doubt she ever will… However, we have something fun today. And its something that I’ve had on the back burner for a while, it came to mind in a conversation about childhood recently. See here’s the thing about childhood, it glosses over all the adult stuff on the pretence of ‘you’ll understand when you’re older’ because adults want you to have that ideal childhood. I’m not entirely sure that exists… except in dreams. But one of the biggest childhood influences of all time are fairytales. There is a reason why Einstien said “if you want your children to be smart read them fairytales, if you want them to be smarter read them more fairytales”. Now setting aside the problematic storylines: The Little Mermaid giving up her voice for pretty much nothing… etc (yes I’m talking about the Hans Christian Andersen version not the Disney one). But you have to admit, these fairytales are fantastic and there’s one re-telling of fairytales that I want to explore, and that’s those re-told, re-imagined with the wit and vivacity of Roald Dahl. Hold onto your knickers chaps, we’re about to slide into the sublime and the ridiculous and back again. Will we ever re-join the world of the truly sane? I don’t know and I don’t want to. You have no choice, you’re joining me. We are in this together.
Let’s have a little explore, we all know the story of Little Red Riding Hood, but what I love about Roald Dahl is that he really likes to play with the story. There’s wit and there’s rhyme. Or more like sass really, if I’m being honest. “Compared with her old grandma she’s going to taste like caviar”. Like a wolf knows what caviar tastes like. But here’s the thing about this villain of our fairytale. He is a wolf, but in order for us to understand his villainy we have to anthropomorphise him. Like how the wolf knows what caviar is or even “he even curled and brushed his hair, then sat himself in grandma’s chair”. Perhaps the metaphor for the wolf is that, in real life, this was a serial killer. Who knows?! But literally - a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
But then there is Miss Riding Hood herself to consider. So, I may have read a little too much dystopian fiction such as The Handmaid’s Tale, where all the handmaids are wearing red. Or even Orwell… But those are different books, for a different time… The thing is is that Miss Red Riding Hood is a boss, much like the rebellious June in Margaret Atwood’s fabulous tale. Like, June, she doesn’t follow the conventional script of what she is supposed to do:
“But Grandma what a lovely great big furry coat you have on”
“That’s wrong!” cried Wolf. “Have you forgot
To tell me what BIG TEETH I’ve got?
Ah well, no matter what you say,
I’m going to eat you anyway.”
The small girl smiles. One eyelid flickers.
She whips a pistol from her knickers.
I mean, as you can imagine, the wolf is quite dead. I need to watch the new season of The Handmaids Tale. I’m rather looking forward to June “No cloak of red, no silly hood upon her head. She said,”hello, and please note My lovely furry wolfskin coat”. June’s going to eat Fred and Serena alive.